September 4-8 blog

This week’s scripture readings and lecture topics have made me think a lot about my worldview in relationship to the worldview of "Moralistic Therapeutic Deism (MTD)" introduced on Wednesday. While I have a much "stricter" Christian belief than what is set forth in the MTD perspective, it is difficult to balance that belief with my sinful nature and avoid hypocrisy. I have been forced, in the reflections of what it means to be a Christian and how I have grown, or should be growing, in my faith, to bow my head in recognition of my many failures.
The last week has been a rough one in my personal life, which has given me extra "food for thought." Of course, as struggles arise in my relationships with loved ones and I feel exceptionally lonely, an interesting pattern arises as I work through my sadness. At first, I usually resist prayer or Bible study as a "solution" to my troubles, mostly out of stubborn exhaustion and the overwhelming confusion of not knowing where to even begin my prayers. However, it never fails that when I feel like I have nothing to say to God, I am reminded that I do not need to use words. In Romans 8, one of my favorite Bible chapters, verse 26, Paul writes, "likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words." I have often turned to this for comfort, for it reminds me that I do not have to articulate my feelings—God can sense my inner groaning and read my heart. It is here where discussions of communication with God begin to apply—we all ask for answers in our prayers, but I struggle with actually listening to those answers and discerning what is from God and what I am inventing or mistakenly interpreting. It seems that the moment one begins trying to listen to God, one begins hearing all sorts of things and not knowing what to do with them.
To return to the idea of worldview and the MTD perspective, it frustrates me that I so easily get out of the habit of making my faith the top priority in my life, and it is when I need God that I finally turn to Him. It is not that I forget Him, it is that I get lazy and selfish, and just don’t feel like spending "quality time" with Him. And I take for granted my blessings, for which I should be praising Him all the time. Despite the fact that I so heartily disagree with the idea that God should stay out of our lives except for when we need Him, I do a terrible job of inviting Him to be present during the times when things are going just fine. This is a discouraging point of weakness, because it means I also rely on my own ability to recognize when "I need God," as though I am the one in control. The reality is that I need Him all the time, and I need constant communion with Him, and if I had that, I probably would have less times of really needing him because my despair would likely be avoided. Additionally, if I want to grow in my faith, as I desperately want to and know that I am expected to, turning to him during the bad times is not going to do the trick. Contrary to what the MTD viewpoint suggests, it is not enough to "be a good person." I believe that true faith is naturally followed by goodness, knowledge, self-control, endurance, godliness, mutual affection, and love, but it is that faith itself that is a constant struggle. The disciples, who lived among Jesus, living proof of the validation of Christian faith, had "little faith." Jesus told them that if they had even a little, they could move mountains. It is the most difficult endeavor as a Christian, to have steadfast faith, which is also what makes it so miraculous. Faith is a verb—it translates into the above qualities and into works. It is that which I strive for as a Christian, and the lens through which I choose to view the world, but if I don’t constantly hold that lens up, I find myself moving in the opposite direction of growth.